The death of a tree hugger
by Kawaii-Semyl
Summary: Masaya Ayoyama loves nature. Will nature be kind to him, or will it be the cause of his death. Funny oneshot. NOT for people who actually like Masaya.


Heloooooo everyone!! Okay this is like just a oneshot comedy story about how Ayoyama Masaya died. Dum dum duuuum!! Bwahdihahaha!! Okay yeah I think it'll be very funny but I used another book's base idea thingy...Can't remember the author. But if you recognize the story...Yeah that guy, well, he really rocks!! I'm posting this tonight because I'm going to Johannesburg for two weeks and I'm expecting a lot of reviews... –wink wink nudge nudge- So yeeeah...!!

NICE DIRT FOR DESSERT!!

One day there was a worm family of three, having a delicious meal of dirt in the ground. There was Momma Worm, Poppa Worm, and little Petie worm. Petie looked down at his dirt, looked up at his mom and exclaimed; "THERE'S A HAIR IN MY DIRT!" Momma Worm apologized, but Petie was not finished complaining. "I'm sick of eating dirt, everyday for every meal! We're_ worms!!_ I mean come on... We live _under _everyone else. We are the lowest of the low!! " Poppa worm interrupted and said; "Wuuuhat? _Lowest of the low??_ How can you say that son? Well... Now that you're old enough, I think it is time to tell you a little story..." Petie looked skeptically at his dad and replied; "Is this the story about the birds and the bees? 'Coz dude, birds are like the enemy... Humans tell that story Pop! It just cracks me up." His father tried not to burst out laughing and controlled himself by saying; "_Nooooo_, this is the story about a human high school boy and his trip into the woods. His name was Ayoyama Masaya! Now this Ayoyama boy...Well, he loved nature. I mean, really, he _loooved _nature. And this is his story... _"_

Ayoyama Masaya walked out of school one sunny afternoon. He took a deep breath and looked around the school. He marveled at the green grass, the blue sky and the pretty birdies. _Ah, there is my beloved Ichigo! Drinking some healthy bottled water, instead of all those canned drinks that contribute to the destruction of our environment. _But what Masaya did not know is; that very same bottle of water, contained water from a... Yeah well let's just say it's not as healthy as he thought. And the company that produces it also makes pooper scoopers and the extra waste they dump in a small river close by. Masaya walked over to Ichigo and asked her if she would like to take a walk with him through the woods. "I'd love to Ayoyama-kun, but I have to work at the café today... Gomenasai!" Ichigo apologized and walked off with Moe and Miwa. _Ah well... I'll go take a walk anyway! _He walked to the-

"Now waitta minute dad," Petie worm interrupted his dad. "This story is about a human boy, taking a walk? Dad why don't you tell the story you told that night Mom wasn't hom-" Poppa worm choked on a bite of his dirt and wacked Petie's mouth shut with his tail. "Now boy let's not discuss that right now! Ahem..." Momma worm gave Poppa worm the most eeevil glare Petie worm had ever seen. "Just continue with the story Mort..." Momma Worm hissed. And so he did.

He walked to the woods. On the way there he saw squirrels. "Oh look at those little woodland creatures. There new here! My my, the environment here must be improving so their sharing the space with all the other animals." Yeah sure that was _his_ explanation. The real deal is; those were bully squirrels, they were invading the more timid squirrel's space and... 'Rubbing them out' if you know what I mean. So he had no idea of that part. He walked a little further into the woods when suddenly he heard someone screaming. He ran towards the sounds all heroic like and saw it was some weird dude with freaky ears and green hair being chased by a black cat with a bell. _Hey, I know that cat...But what's it doing chasing that...Uh...Whatever! he thought._ Masaya stayed where he was, hidden behind the bushes. "AAAAIIIEEEE!! ICHIGO I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU AND TURN YOU INTO A NEKOOOO!!!" the green-haired freak was screeching like a little girl. Masaya's ears perked up when he heard the name Ichigo. "PLEASE NO NO NOOOOO!!" The cat sprinted and jumped on the freak that started to _float_ away. Masaya had a gut feeling that the kitten had gotten rabies and was attacking this unfortunate soul for no reason whatsoever. So he jumped out from behind the bushes and threw the kitty with a small rock. He accidentally hit the boy (was it a boy!?) but luckily it bounced off his head and knocked the kitty out. Masaya picked it up and asked the boy if he was alright. "Yeeeeah...Sure I'm fine! You don't...Know me do you?" Masaya shook his head. "Oh...I'm Herbert! And hehe that's my koneko. See I lost her awhile ago... And when I found her just now she went berserk. So can I have her back? I missed her so much!" Masaya gave Herbert a sincere smile, and handed him the little black kitten that was still unconscious. "What's her name?" he asked. Herbert looked thoughtful for awhile and then got a suspicious look in his eyes and yelled; "KONEKO IS MINE NOW YOU TREE HUGGER LLAMA FREAK ECO GEEK! BUWAHAHAHA!" then he disappeared into nothingness. Masaya shrugged and continued with his walk. "At least I did my good deed for the day, by helping the freak-I mean Herbert, get his kitten back!"

"BUWAHAHAHAHA! That was a classic intense laugh Dad!" Petie worm guffawed. Poppa worm nodded slowly and knowingly. "Yes son. It was indeed very humorous. Now let me continue this to get to the good part where we worms...How do you teenwormers say... Rule!" And so he continued...

Masaya skipped through the lovely flowers of springtime killing millions of bugs that the frike (yeah he's a frike) did not know about. Then he skipped SLAM! right into Ryou. "Oh it's you..." Masaya said. Ryou glared at Masaya. "Where is Ichigo?" he asked the flowerboy. "She hasn't come to work yet." Ryou's voice was so very much full of _hate _that Masaya quivered in his polyester underwear made of recycled materials. But he kept his voice strong and said; "I don't know she's PRObably hiding from you!" Ryou gave the Ayoyama-boy one look... And whacked him silly. Then he walked away to continue his quest to find his beloved Ichigo. After Ryou was gone, Masaya mumbled to himself; "Oooh I hate him...I KNOW! I'll turn him into a DUCK! Yesss it's so eeevil!" Pause. "I, uh... Don't know how to do that... And of course... I don't really..._ Need _a duck... Oh well!" So he gave up on that idea and walked further. Under a tree he saw a little slug. "OH WOW it's a snail!!" He went to the slug and bent down to talk to it. "Hellooo Mr. Snail! Now... Higher mammal... CAN YOU READ???" The slug gave him an innocent look and then ran away. "HOLY MOTHER EARTH, those things are fast!"

"Dad...Was it a slug or a snail?" Petie worm asked. "A slug son." Petie was confused. "And Dad... Mammal?" His Dad rolled his teensy eyes. "Hmmm... What about..._ Fast?_" His father gave an exasperated sigh and said; "SON, if I were you I'd just accept that this boy is DUMB and stop asking so many questions for the love of DIRT!!! Now to continue..."

Masaya sighed while walking deeper into the woods." I wish I was a platypus! They are such majestic creatures." Suddenly while thinking about wild free platypuses he saw a rat being choked by snake. "I WILL SAVE YOU RATTY!!" Masaya wrestled with the snake and finally got it to cough up the small rat and he killed the snake. He kissed the Ratty and set him free then he walked home feeling very good about himself. But what Ayoyama did not know... Is that the rat he saved was carrying a deadly disease and if the snake had eaten him it would not have spread to millions of innocent people like it did. When Masaya kissed the rat he had also been infected and on another walk in the park the next day he dropped dead on the ground. After choking and various gruesome -bleeped- events...

"Well son there you have it..." Poppa worm smiled at his son. Petie worm was again very confused. "What has this got to do with the hair in my dirt?" he asked. O.o "Do I have to spell everything out for you? Sigh. He died on the ground and rotted. His hair went into the dir-" Something clicked in Petie worm's head."WUHAAAAT? So this hair is...?" Poppa worm nodded." And I'm eating...?" Again Poppa worm nodded. "Wicked." The worm family all joined in an evil family-worm laugh and munched on the rest of their dirt happily.


End file.
